What really is a true friend?
79Is your best friend really a friend at all?
Friendship or Aquaintence
All through our lives we come across people, some we love and never want out of our lives, then there's others who came and went, even on a good note. No hard feelings. I've met such people in my life time. Glad I got to know them, even if it was a short time. It didn't mean they were not a REAL friend at the time. For those people, they'll always be in my heart, and I will never ever forget them.
The aquaintence-friend is when you question how long will this person be a "friend" to you. They are the person who shows you friendship one day, but they don't really LISTEN to the things you say, or they are just flat out users. You have something they want. Whether it be an item or even your lover!
Finding and figuring out these things can sometimes take just days, on the spot, or sometimes years!
I have found that some people will befriend me, buy me a trinket, or do something for me, only to have some expectation of me doing something in return. I don't believe that's a true friendship in the making. When I do something for someone, whether I know them well or not, I don't expect anything in return (although a thank you would be nice lol ;) but I do it from the heart.
If you've found that person who you believe is of a good heart, and they mean well, and they do something for you, and do not have an expectation of you doing something in return, you've probably found a person who'll be a good friend to you, and for a lifetime, hopefully!
Conclusion
I've come to the conclusion, that time isn't really a factor in true friendship. What really matters is how they treat you, and are they there for you if they can be. Especially during times of dyer need of friendship. Unconditional friendship.
My father passed away last week, and of course I'm still mourning his death, but I have learned that some of my friends don't know how to deal with death, but were still there for me. They didn't know what words to use, or what to say to console me. But that doesn't matter, when you don't know what to do or say when your friend is dealing with such a situation, then just knowing your friend is there, even if it's just sitting and saying nothing, listening to music or distracting you from tears, THAT is true friendship. One can only say they are sorry it happened so much, and that's fine.
There really isn't any one thing anybody can say anyway, so just being there, being a phone call away, being invited out, being visited even though you look like hell, and not judging you, that is true friendship. Just the fact that they've been with you, and have acknowledged you are in pain or saddness, that in itself is comforting.
A true friend will let you be YOU in your darkest hour, and a true friend will tell you, yes, dear, those jeans make your butt look fat, CHANGE. :) A true friend will tell you when you have bad breath, in a discrete way! A true friend will never put conditions on you. A true friend will go out of their way to make you feel better when you are down, even if it's not the right thing you're looking for, it was still done with good intentions. Also, they will laugh with you when things are happy. A true friend will acknowledge how you feel at any given moment. A true friend will not do anything more harmful to your situation than you're already in, regardless of how they feel.
If you find yourself questioning, is your best friend REALLY your best friend? Then you've already answered your own question. Questioning it, leaves you with the answer. No, they are not a true friend. They are a person in your life of convenience. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. Sad, yes, but also very true.
Friendship?
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ive had Only one true friend in my lifetime that im met when i was three and im 26 now. Her name was Naia(NI-AH)She just moved from Japan and spoke little english. I remeber i was outside digging for worms( it was the new hot thing back then)And she got out of the car with her american dad but no mother. i said hi want to dig for worms with me. she didn't answer. Her father smiled and said shes just shy and walked in there new apartment under mine . The next day i was digging for worms again and she came out and said i scoop worms two? And i said sure and we laughed and told jokes and dug up worms and put them in water and tortured them. That was the start of an amazing relationship. She eventually learned all the english languge by age 6. We were in every single classroom up to third grade and she understood m e and we never had a fight. It wasn't she isn't my friend and two days later she is. She was nice to me and we told secrets to each other and never broke each others promises. By middle school and high school we were inseparable. She was my true friend And now up to this day she still is my best friend and my three year old calls her auntie even though we aren't related. she helps out with the kids and they love her. i love her.we work both as a elementary teacher at out elementary school we went to in MA.shes 5th im 4th . And then there were people who just were my friend because i had the "hottest" boy in school who turned out to be a loser. or that i had gold jewelry or that i had nice clothes. thews people all 4 of them were never true friends and never will be. This hub explains a lot of what my best friend is and what of my ex-friends are. (they were never my friends anyway)can all rot in hell.
thanks for posting!
Stephanie, Hi, Happy New Year! I am so glad you commented and what a nice heartwarming story with you and your friend! Your last paragraph really touches me, because I too had nice things, and a girl said to me in school one time that she wanted to be friends with girls who had cars because her dad wouldn't get her one. But my dad wouldn't let me be friends with her, I didn't get it then, but now I know he said I could spend the night if he drove me over to her house but not take my car! I was angry with him, but she told me "nevermind, I wanted to go out"..so she didn't really want me as her friend, she wanted me to drive her around! Then I had a friend who I was with through thick and then and stood by her, but then I started catching her in tiny white lies, that snowballed into worse lies, and then when my dad died, and she learned I wasn't getting a big huge bunch of money, she started to back off being my friend when "I" needed a friend. So now I'm always wondering who is using me and who cares about how I feel. I'm so glad you made that one best friend for life. I've just been reunited with a friend, we were both like you said, inseparable, and I am waiting to see if we can have our old friendship where we were most important to each other back. I learned a a TRUE friend is VERY HARD to come by, and when you find that person you are very very lucky. My dad always told me, if you have ONE TRUE friend in your life, then you are very lucky. He was sooooo right! Thank you for your last like, this hub explains a lot of why ex-friends are just that, and they need to remain ex-friends! (So we can remain happy with REAL friends) Best wishes, and again Happy New Year, and to your best friend! *hugs* -Kathy
It is so true what you said that 'a true friend will never put conditions on you'. Yup, a real friend would not guilt-trip someone or have unrealistic expectations... either of those things should raise a red flag. Putting conditions on friends or having sky-high expectations can mean that the other person is really needy or self-centered, instead of just enjoying the friendship. Thanks for your great hub about friendship. A very thought-provoking read.
Thank you! Unfortunately I had to learn the hard way! But in time I realized I was just being used. Also when you're at your lowest you're less apt to see that red flag bonking you in the face! It wasn't until someone treated me horribly right after I buried my father and made it back home, that I realized they were never a true friend, but tricked me with many cards and trinkets as I said.
You're right we really need to be more aware of those red flags. I didn't even see it when it came to getting my dad's suit. It was supposed to be about that, but she turned it into tossing things for herself and her kids on the counter that I had no intention of buying. I wasn't aware I "owed" this person items and a dinner until she actually ASKED for money upon his death! Sad. Thanks for stopping! Keep your eyes open and your hard on watch! -Kat
I think the true friends are the only ones who show unconditional love for you and their presence give you the most comfortable moments in your life.And thank you so much for the heart-felt conclusion.
Yep, that is so true. Sometimes heartbreaking when you see what you don't really want to see. But a true friendship is a two way street! You've most definitely got to have the comfort factor or right there's your answer! You're welcome, thanks for visiting. Well, this one especially, true friendship is hard to come by, and should be valued! :)
A true friend is some one who gies you hand when you are on the ground and need serious help,
Very true Kabir. A true friend picks you up and cares about how you feel. Wouldn't it be wonderful if the whole world were true friends?
I'm sorry if you were let down recently by someone you trusted as a true friend.
Always remember you can find true friends in how they treat others as well.
its kinda hard .. but i have to accept it .. it really helped a lot .. i have my 6 best friends .. and i found it painful knowing that they really dont care about me ..
I'm sorry to hear that hikaru, but sadly it's a part of life and whatever their reason for moving on, you move on too and find friends in your future. Don't give up on having close friends they will be there when you least expect it and they won't judge you, lie to you or play headgames or worse, trick you.
At the first signs of those I give a benefit of a doubt but if they keep it up, I've learned to just move on. It's hard but it gets easier when you do find those few friends. Never expect, just let it happen. It will or it wont. It's life. Best of luck to you!
Yea' datz true i never have a best since th1 i hv is my boy friend only either i wouldnt put my trust on him.
Mike Lickteig Level 3 Commenter 2 years ago
I have been blessed with some true friends in my life--true, lifelong friends. One passed away three years ago--a friend I met in first grade! This person always hoped the best for me, listened to my problems (mostly concerning women, but also work-related stuff!), and tried to help.
I have been lucky in this regard. Everyone has a few fair-weather friends and runs into users that want something; I've had a bunch of them, but I've also managed to meet and hang onto a few lifelong friends, without whom the world would be a much darker place.
Thanks for the hub, sorry if my response was overly sentimental!